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Friday, February 24th, 2006
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Thursday, January 26th, 2006
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LOLZ0RZ!!!!!1!!X!!!@!!ONE!!!!!
Im not using this to update ever again. I know i dont update hardly ever to begin with, but i decided i just wont ever do it again. Ill just use to fuck with people on message boards. So if youve been holding your breath for me to update, this is the last time.
Sorry. Maybe ill make use of the myspace blog....probably not.
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Friday, December 2nd, 2005
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SO things have been pretty crazy the last couple of monts. I have made some real good friends, and they always show me a good time. I started playing WoW and im addicted, i think i had a disk in my back slip from playing that game. other than that ive been going to class, or trying to, and trying to get by.
Thanksgiving break was pretty bad ass. I got to spend some time with all my friends from stafford, and i really needed that. I really regret not being able to have partied more with those guys. Also, i went up to see my dad for thanksgiving and that was real cool. I met my sister that i didnt know i had, and got to spend some good quality time with the gramps. Laura came with and that meant a lot to me. I really wanted her to meet my family, especially my grandpa, because i dont know how much time he has left.
Also, right before the break ended i went to see the most amazing band to ever grace the eart....Against Me! It was so unbelievable. I cant even explain how much energy they have live. It was the most ridiculous experience of my life. laura and i were right up against the barrier and it was great. During the last song of their encore which happened to be "We laugh at danger and break all the rules" i climbed on stage and sand along with Andrew. I couldnt believe i was actually touching him...ahhh. and then i stage dived and the whole band except for james followed. after the show i had a talk with Warren and its a conversation ill never forget. AHHHH...i have a sometimes homosexual love for that band.
I saw Sarja at the show to, it was really nice running into her and sharing all of that with her.
if anyone ever gets the chance to see against me! take it. you will not be disapointed.
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Thursday, October 20th, 2005
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Monday, October 3rd, 2005
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Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
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| Time: | 2:09 am. |
| Mood: |  pissed off. | | Music: | another bag of bricks - flogging molly. |
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ohh man....
im pretty pissed. someone is spreadin rumors about me cheating on laura. I dont even know these fucks well enough for fucking rumors. Ive known these people less than two weeks and they are already spreading fuckin rumors.
It makes me look bad. If you have questions about my personal business you ask me and ill tell you, but dont fuckin spread rumors and shit.
i never have, and i never will cheat on laura. EVER.
and if you find that so hard to believe than dont fuckin talk to me...i dont care, just shut the fuck up
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Saturday, July 30th, 2005
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alright..where to start?
laura came down about two weeks ago and i had a blast. our relationship has been on the rocks for a while but when she came out, it was great. i was so happy being with her, and holding her...it was just the best feeling ive had in a long time. we went to sakura for midnight sushi, got really drunk on johns birthday ( a little too drunk, i might add ) saw charlie and the chocolate factory, went shopping, and best of all spent a lot of time holding each other. it was really awesome. i love her a lot.
my birthday was tonigh...or last night how ever you look at it. it was an amazing birthday...one for the books. i didnt drink, having learned my lesson from johns birthday. i was in bed untill about 4 or so, and i got in the shower. my mom came home and made me ribs for dinner and it was really goog. then we had cake and i opened presents. i got a 75 dollar gift certificate from my sister, a warped tour ticket from my brother ( which by the way, i have to ditch work to go to ) i got a wireless mouse for my computer, a case for my computer, and a freakin psp. the psp wins the prize of best gift by far. it rocks so hard. im going to get a lot of use out of it. and i got the product replacement plan on it...so if anything goes wrong, im covered. ha, fuck city advantage..best buy is better. ( thats kind of an inside thing youd only ever think about if you work at circuit city, or best buy ) i really like it. and ive been needing a mouse so bad so thats cool. and i can buy clothes with the gift card...or whatever i want. and i get to go to warped tour with the battles ( which brings me to my next topic )
tonight allan, phil, and myself went to sakura for midnight sushi. it was one hell of a time. we listened to some postal service on the ride there and they were actually playing it when we got there..so it was pretty cool. the sushi was good and we tried some weird stuff and that was cool too. it was just a kick ass experiance. sushi...its so good. i get a euphoric feeling when i eat it. me and the battles were all talking about how we felt high after we ate. it was awesome. then we walked back to the car...stopped shortly by a drunk kid phil worked with, and rocked out to taking back sunday on the way home....it was an excellent way to top off an excellent day ( that rhymed )
OHHHHHHHH! i almost forgot. Laura bought me some ben sherman shoes, some plaid van slip ons, a dasboard shirt, and a john lennon shirt for my birthday. which were also kick ass gifts. that girl spoils me sometimes...i love her.
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im making a mix cd with a bunch of rockin songs on it...
if you have any suggestions let me know.
i want good rockin songs. fast...and a bit hard.
already on is -
Ohio is for lovers - Hawthorne Heights
To the world - Strike Anywhere
Choke on this - Senses Fail
what else?
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its 3 but i cant sleep
and you are just a flight of stairs away
i cant believe im here
feeling the way i do
its almost like i cant feel
the way i did about you
you broke my heart in half
thats what you did when you cheated
thats what you did when you stopped caring
its almost been a year
since i left so maybe im to blame
i cant help but take
responsibility for my pain
you sleep so softly
all i do is interupt
all i do is wake you up, and irritate you
i wish there was something i could say
i wish there was something i could do
not so much so wed be back together
but more for you to feel how i do
its not regret it more a sorrow
that i couldnt be what you wanted me to
that i couldnt make you happy
that i walked out on you
everything i do is wrong
you dont even act like we dated
it was 3 and a half fuckin years
you dont act like it meant a thing at all
its always me in the wrong
its always me making you upset
well why dont you think of how i feel
i just want someone to comfort me
everyone acts like its nothing
everyone just says it happens
well it doesnt happen to us
how do you not care anymore?
how do you just blow me off like you do?
i wish that we could be friends
i wish the site of you didnt make me die inside
i wish i could find someone else
i wish i just didnt feel like shit
i just want to know
what this means and how i should be
i guess im fading out
i guess i should just go back home
i guess i never meant that much
i wish i did something to make you run away
i wish i did something to make you feel my pain
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so, im still at lauras...and as odd as it is to say i am having fun.
i guess i kind of look at it like it might be the last time i get to spend time with her like this so i might as well make the most of it.
im not really looking forward to being a lonely whiney loser...but things happen i guess.
i really love laura more than anything in the world, and this is going to be extremely hard, but i want her to be happy...and if it makes her happy then i guess that makes me feel a little better.
it just doesnt feel real...like its a dream. maybe in the future, like in college things will change and well get back together...maybe not.
i really hope we do get back together in college...ive got plans with that girl.
well, im doing ok right now. its hard but i feel like im ok.
i love her a lot, and she is my best friend. i hope that doesnt change.
ohh yeah...who wants to party while im in town? i dont think a whole lot of stafford kids still read this, but i was thinking im here for about 11 more days...so if you want to hang out, just call me.
446-1082
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| Subject: | well, |
| Time: | 9:51 pm. |
| Mood: |  nervous. | | Music: | the disco before the breakdown- Against Me!. |
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well, things have been pretty good up here in stafford. things between me and laura were good for the first few days...but i think things have caught up with us.
i love her a lot...but i dont think she likes having me around this much. i mean, i try not to let things get to me..but they do sometimes and she gets so mad about it. i mean, i cant help feeling the way i do about certain things. she should be happy ive held up as well as i have. but she gets so angry at little things and i know it ties into a bigger picture.
i knew coming up here would make me feel worse about our situation...but it was so good for the first few days, that i wasnt worried about the rest of the summer. i knew we were going to get through it. but now, when things like this happen i worry again.
i just wish she knew how hard this is. and how hard im trying for her. and how much i love her. and how i mean good with everything i do.
its all for her...always for her.
i just wish she could see things like i see them. i dont know what shes feeling, because everytime she tells me, i feel like shes leaving something out.
i cant really explain how im feeling about it.
theres still 1 hour left in the day to make it up to her. to make her forget about the bad time. i think i try to hard sometimes.
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im at work...and i just thought i would come back and tell laura something.
laura, i love you.
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Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
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ok, i know everyone is sick of my bitching, but here i go again.
i just cant help but wonder why this is more important than us. Everyone goes through that, and the only thing that seperates it is love. I went through it, and i asked myself what was more important. You? or "getting it out of my system". I dont need to get it out of my system because i know i love you, and since i love you i dont need to experiance other things. You are all i need. I wont cheat on you down the road because i didnt see other people. I LOVE YOU. My love for you is more important than my fear. I put this before anything else, and i dont want to risk losing you in the long run. I am commited to this, and to you. I just dont think its fair to put our relationship through this. Its natural feeling, youll get it when were married. If you give in now, it might make it harder not to give in then.
its kind of like alcaholics...They stay sober for a long time, and its hard. but one binge to "get it out of their system" never works. its just a time when they get weak and excuse to make it sound better.
You are stronger than that...we are stronger than that.
I am scared too, but i love you and that makes me feel comfort. I know the distance has been tough, but we can make it.
You know i dont want to make this hard for you...i just want whas best for us.
i love you and dont get mad.
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| Subject: | whoa |
| Time: | 11:19 am. |
| Mood: |  sad...but ok.. | | Music: | Alkaline trio - Warbrain. |
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so alot of things have changed within the last year...
a year ago today i thought id be able to graduate with my friends and have an easier time getting started with college....but im in alabama and im trying to go to radford so its a bit tough...
a year ago today i thought laura and i would still be together. i had so many plans and i think about our future every day...but now were on a "break" and i cant help but worry.
i think maybe me staying in alabama was a good thing though because it gave me a lot of time to figure out what im all about...it helped me realize what i want to do in life...it helped me realize how extremely lucky i am to have laura...it made me realize i shouldnt take things for granted, because even a phone call relationship with her is better than anything i could ever have with someone else.
ive really come to appreciate what i have with laura recently...i mean i always have loved her and cared about her...i guess you just have to stop and look at things from the out side to really appreciate what you have sometimes..
laura im sorry i havent been the best boyfriend...but i love you, and whenever youre ready to work this out ill be here.
it hurts knowing i wont graduate with friends...it hurts knowing ill probably never see some of them again...it hurts to see that none of my good friends really talk anymore...and it hurts knowing i cant say that laura and i are together...but you have to roll with it.
it will all work out, and we will both be happy
im sorryr
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what happened to people telling you what you want to hear?
what happened to people saying "dont worry...you and laura will get back together, you two were made for each other"
it just doesnt happen like that anymore.
nowadays im too clingy...and i say i love you too much...and i try too hard to not let it die.
maybe im too in love.
maybe when i make a promise, i mean it.
maybe im not as weak as you.
maybe i know it could work if you let it.
maybe i know we dont need other people to make this work.
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| Time: | 4:33 pm. |
| Mood: |  well make it.. | | Music: | phat beats. |
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so i got my mac today...its bitchin.
laura and i are doing good...if you still consider us in that way. we still talk and i cant wait to see her.
i need a p2p software that works on mac. any suggestions? yeah...i dont have a whole lot to say.
every time i think abought laura my eyes water. every time i tell her that i love her...it hurts more.
i try not to be a whiney bitch...but sometimes i cant help it.
its so nice to have a computer again....anyone want to go to a coffee shop with me and act cool with our wireless internet connections. i would feel so cool.
well i think im going to mess around with garage band some more...
i love laura this much.
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man...i feel really low right now
laura and i are going through some stuff. pretty much shes going through the whole "weve been together for 3 and a half years and im only 18" thing. Im so scared that im going to lose her for good, and its got me acting so weird.
im trying so hard to show her that i love her, and to make things better...but i just keep pushing her away.
i wish i never moved to alabama, so things between her and i would be good.
i cant call her because i dont have my cell and i just feel lost.
i feel so helpless
ive been such a mess these last few days...
the worst part is, i get the feeling that theres nothing i can do to keep from losing her...
i get the feeling that this is it...and i think thats why ive been so weird
i love laura and i hope were together forever
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You know, I just heard Dave Chapelle is missing somewhere in South Africa in a mental hospital. The word on the street is that there wont be a third season of Chapelle's Show. That is so lame.
So, I wrote a song. I know you're so desperate to read it, seeing as how all my songs are so amazing. Ill post it towards the end.
I'm going to miss high school. I know i dont like thompson and all...but im going to miss it. I've met some cool people this year, and i don't know if ill see some of them after i graduate, so it going to be weird.
Also, im trying to cope with growing up. This is the last year i can dick off. After i graduate, its college. I cant mess up in college. No more messin around. Gayyyyyyyyyyyy.
So, i havent updated in a while. I think we all know why.
Cause im too cool and shit.
It's almost 2 o' clock so i better post the song and get out of here.
If there is anything you want to know, ask. If you want to hang out, say so.
Ohh, i almost forgot...I'll be in stafford from June 11th to the 17th.
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| Time: | 7:56 pm. |
| Mood: |  tired. |
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im at work...im eating a realy old nerds rope...and drinking a really gross coke...but work is alright.
i need a break...i just hate school...and work...and i need to just have fun.
i hate scheduled things....im in need of some spontaneaty..im not sure how to spell that...but you get the point.
i watched the oc for 2 hours last night...im a loser...post some love, cause i need it.
i just told andy that he could do anything with laura...just so long as the penis doesnt penatrate the vagina...and i hope he isnt taking me seriously.
ok...breaks over...see you guys later.
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